Sharing the Meal

I recently went to a professional conference. There was a man there, another priest, who was inexplicably annoying to me. He wasn't doing anything wrong, really. He just seemed amazingly … well … clueless. His voice was irritating and whatever he said just seemed “off” somehow, kind of irrelevant or un-helpful to the conversation. He was not overtly obnoxious, but he did irksome things like talking loudly on his cell phone in a room full of people. It’s a little strange how much this man bothered me, for no real apparent reason. Looking back on it, I can remember clearly the feeling of being annoyed, rubbed the wrong way, but it is hard to wrap any clear explanation around this. Maybe I was just in a mood.

But the amount of my mental energy that was going into being annoyed was unreasonable and problematic. The man wasn't actually harming anything. Why was I letting his odd mannerisms and comments – clueless, perhaps, but surely not worth being upset about - interfere with my ability to participate fully and calmly in this meeting? Why was I putting so much time and energy into reacting to him? Finally, I thought to myself, “Amanda, STOP. Stop picking on this poor man in your mind. It’s not doing any good, and he is your brother in Christ. You may end up sitting right next to him at the Heavenly Banquet!” I was referring to the Heavenly Eternal Banquet after death, God’s banquet at the table laid from before the foundation of the world. I’m convinced that when we die and get to the Heavenly Banquet, we’ll all be surprised by who else is there, and you just never know who will be sitting right next to you!

As always, this thought calmed me a little. Got me off my judgmental high-horse. When dinner time arrived later in the day – we were to eat on our own at one of the many restaurants within walking distance of the conference venue – I walked to a café, got a table for one, and sat down to enjoy a meal by myself. I had brought a book to read, and was looking forward to it. Then he walked in the door. Annoying Man. And upon seeing me sitting alone, he asked if he could join me for dinner. I was not entirely enthusiastic at the prospect, but desiring to be at least civil and polite, I said “yes.” So it was I ended up sharing a meal with Annoying Man. I chuckled in my mind at the irony, and decided that God must be trying to teach me a lesson about my own judgmental attitude. “Judge someone,” God seemed to be whispering, “And yes, you WILL end up next to them at the meal, sharing the feast.”

We ate dinner together. It was pleasant enough. I learned more about Annoying Man and his life. As I learned about the person behind the belittling label that I had cruelly slapped upon him, he became less irksome in my eyes. He became a person, with gifts and flaws like the rest of us, doing the best he can. He ceased being Annoying Man, and became a human being. Surely this was the work of God. In this meal, the demeaning and degrading judgments of my mind were replaced with genuine relationship. It was a holy transformation within my soul. It was grace. This meal, shared with this person, was indeed a glimpse of the Heavenly Banquet, a Holy Communion in the truest sense of the word.

The Rev. Amanda K. Gott

Grace & St. Peter's Episcopal Church

#meditation #gifts