Watching and Waiting: A Meditation

The most important moments in life – birth and death - are often accompanied by an intense, attentive watching and waiting. For the loved ones gathered at these times, regular routines of life are put on hold, as we find ourselves singularly focused on the one thing that matters most at the moment: the beloved, newly arrived or soon to go. Although we usually associate births with joy and death with grief, the similarity of the deathbed vigil and the new birth vigil are striking. For days, the family keeps watch by the bed or the bassinette or the crib where the beloved, newborn or dying, lies. Normal routines and tasks are suspended, including the regular routines of eating and sleeping. All else is put aside as everyone gazes and gazes, for long periods of time, at the face of their newborn or dying beloved one, often touching her, often telling him that they love him. Every breath, movement, or sound from the place where the beloved lies is noticed with particular clarity and causes an instant response from everyone – is she OK? Is he comfortable? Is she trying to communicate something? What’s happening now? Does he need to be attended to in some way – moved or fed or changed or made warmer or cooler? Is she waking up? When will the next big thing happen? Will he respond to my touch? Look into my eyes? Recognize my face? The times of birth and death are odd mirrors to one another. Stories are told at these vigils, stories of lives and relationships, stories of love.

Birth and death are both holy thresholds, times when the veil between the mundane and the spiritual is lifted, and our everyday world becomes flooded with divine presence. The occasions of birth and death are very different from one another, emotionally and otherwise, but at both times heaven is very near to earth, infusing our earthly lives in a way that is powerful and unique. God’s presence is intense, often palpable in these times, filling the places of our everyday lives – the beds in which birthed and dying people sleep, the rooms in which their loved ones watch and wait, worrying and rejoicing and mourning. These holy thresholds are times of change, turning points, and life is not the same, never again.

This is what it looks like when the Divine comes into our lives, invited or uninvited. God’s presence changes everything. We talk about Christmas as God coming to earth to be present with us, Emmanuel. We celebrate Christmas after the vigil of Advent, when we are urged by the Scriptures to stay awake and alert, to keep our focus clear, to keep our attention fixed intently upon the signs of God’s presence coming near. The theologian Hans Urs Von Balthazar writes, “Christmas is not an event within history but it is rather the invasion of time by eternity.” This is precisely what happens at birth and death, on those holy thresholds. It may seem strange to contemplate death as we contemplate birth, especially Jesus’ birth. But Jesus came to free us from the power of death, to bring new life out of death, to make death merely a gateway, a threshold to rebirth, to fullness of life with God in eternity. In birth and death, we see glimpses of holy eternity, feel eternity invading ordinary time, flooding our lives with sanctity. This is true in our beloveds’ births and deaths, and it is true in the mystery of Jesus’ birth and death. Nothing is the same again, for God has changed all. The mystery is worth pondering, worth paying attention to, worth noticing. Take the time to seek the face of the beloved, to gaze at that which is holy. Be awake. Keep vigil and see if you can see heaven flooding into the places of our everyday lives.

The Rev. Amanda K. Gott

Grace & St. Peter's Episcopal Church

Image from http://thewellwrittenwoman.com/

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